![]() ![]() Uses every pot in the kitchen and leave them dirty. Doesn’t know how to fold laundry, much less put it away. ![]() Gets a cat but leaves the litter box cleanup to me. Borrows money from me, and when I ask for it back says he’ll credit it towards my half of his apartment rent (BEFORE I moved in with him). I was so caught up in good sex that I ignored his other faults: “Forgets” his wallet when we go out to dinner. One of the reasons I married the loser was that the sex was good. In so many ways, I have been blessed beyond belief too: born during this modern era and relative peace, plentiful food, modern medicine, the right to get educated and speak my mind, and friends who have shown me love and kindness. I try not to mire in self pity because that will do nothing for me today. When thinking about my childhood, I realize that I suffered so much abject abuse and neglect, its no wonder I was vulnerable to so many men, including two husbands, who abused me physically and mentally.38 years of mostly hell. Do not settle for the illusion of financial security. If he is not kind and empathetic towards all, then run away. Then watch all of his actions for a long time. Do not even think of partnering with any man until you are fully self sufficient. You will be free of this torture and extreme loneliness and despair someday. You get to grieve for as long as it takes. Beware anyone, especially men, who love bomb you. Focus on sleeping, eating the best food you can get, pray to a higher power, spend a lot of time with your farm animals and riding your horses, do not drink alcohol or sleep with boys to soothe your pain and terror and loneliness, the days will pass, you will be free of Mom’s abuse - that is all on her, it is not about you in the slightest - you are a perfect human even with your human failings, good people will cross your path, trust people’s actions - if they are scary to you - run away. If I could message my 15 year old self (the age when my dad died in my arms) and my mom kicked me out on the streets I would say: “Darling girl, these are the darkest of times, but hang on and hunker in. being abused physically, being cheated on, being blamed, being duped, being conned, spending 25 years with a narcissist with BPD, suffering through D-days, going through a hellacious divorce and trial with a narcissist with BPD intent on destroying you financially and mentally for having the audacity to question his abuse and cheating and lying, hearing the man you chose to be the father of your children tell those precious beings that he hated every minute of their lives, sitting in ERs multiple times while your precious child is on psych lock-down from her latest suicide attempt and/or OD following devalue and blameshifting and discard by her monsterous father, laying in bed trying to comfort weeping children night after night as they cry “why doesn’t dad love us, why does he want to leave us?”and knowing that nothing you do can “fix” this or undo the harm he caused to their sense of security and worth. OMG, this! “Being poor and at peace is better than”. There were a few, but mostly I geared towards misfits and the ones who picked me. I wish I dated earnest nerd boys like my husband. I think in my rush to be Serious and Grown Up, I settled too quickly. Love your middle-aged squidgy future self. Hi Tracy! You are at the apex of loveliness! Quit going through life feeling like a lumbering water buffalo! Go rock a bikini or something. That said, I’m not so sure I would’ve spent some much time in the trenches with fuckwits. You may think this odd, but I’m not sure I’d want a do-over. I can’t help but wonder what chumps would tell themselves after they have been through the minefield of affairs, discard, etc.Ĭurious exercise. I was wondering, if chumps could go back in time to their late teens and early twenties and talk to theirselves, what advice would they give to theirselves? In my case, I would tell myself to stay in college and appreciate the opportunity it presented. ![]() Today’s Friday challenge comes from Joe who asks if you got a chance to shake some sense into your younger self, what would you say? ![]()
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